Mr. Brown Versus

............You know what? I'm just going to throw this line out there for everyone to hear: Anastasia: "Here I am, trying to be all romantic and you're distracting me with your kinky fuckery." In the five years that I've been reviewing movies for this site, I've never come across any line in any movie this jaw-droppingly stupid. This line came out of Anastasia Steele's mouth post-coitus when Christian Grey began probing her belly button with his tongue. There was no reason for her, or the writers, to commit to that sentence! And yet, somehow, Fifty Shades Darker  seems to sink lower from there. This sequel to 2015's snorefest picks up....I don't know, days after Anastasia (Dakota Johnson) leaves Mr. Grey (Jamie Dornam) for being "fifty shades of fucked up"? Being the creepy, abusive and aggressive stalker he is, our rich prick wants her back, but this time, he wants a normal, vanilla relationship. Okay, not really because he st...

WARNING!!!! This review will contain spoilers regarding the show's twist ending, as well as most of the plot. You have been warned. I'm exhausted with the last few posts where I went political, so here's me taking a break from all that shit and making another venture into the land of the small screen. Unfortunately, I'm not recommending about a good show - no, this is me ranting about one of the worst Anime programs I've ever encountered in the form of School Days , a romantic drama/teen soap opera in cartoon form. Yes: in addition to film and TV, I like the realm of Japanese Animation, primary because of the various sub-genres and avenues it covers, from science fiction/dystopian settings like Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex and Outlaw Star , to slice-of-life comedies/harems such as Tenchi Muyo!  and Love Hina . There's a genre for every sort of taste, and it's interesting to dive in and see what's there. However, in the case of School Days ,...

To say that Fifty Shades of Grey  is a lighting rod of controversy is putting it mildly.   There have been articles and counter-articles about E.L. James' best-selling novel about a young woman who begins an explicit sadomasochistic affair with a young and mysterious businessman, with some like Katie Roiphe of Newsweek  criticizing  the book for it's depictions of BDSM sex, and Amy Bonomi, Nicole Walton and Lauren Altenburger of the Journal of Woman's Health arguing that the author's tale of bondage and kinky sex has little to nothing to do with the sexual lifestyle and everything to do  with highlighting and glorifying  an abusive relationship; while others, like Sonya Sorich of the Ledger-Enquirer  calling it  guilty fun and escapism and Laura Barnett of The Telegraph  praising James' exploration  of sexual politics and her boldness to show and talk about frank sequences of sex between two consenting adults. I haven't read the book, so...

Before I piss people off about my thoughts on American Sniper , let me first say that I have nothing but the highest respect for the men and women in our military. These are brave individuals who put their lives on the line so that that we may enjoy the freedoms that we take for granted every single day. This review is not  meant as an attack against those who have volunteered to put themselves in harm's way; rather, my point is to discuss my problems with the characterization of one Chris Kyle, how the filmmakers white washed most of his full self to sell this notion that he was an honorable, earnest, all-American kind of guy, and how it sells a pro-war message about a conflict that was absolutely unnecessary for the United States to engage in. Also, I do want to point out that Sniper  has a fantastic performance by Bradley Cooper as Kyle. He gets the drawl, the mannerisms, the look and the attitude down to the letter. There's a fantastic opening sequence in which he'...

Toward the end of The Hunger Games: Mockingay - Part I , Madam President Alma Coin (played by the wonderful Julianne Moore), she gives a rousing speech to her citizens of District 13 about a great victory they have just won under her direction. The monologue basically tells her comrades in arms that soon they will storm the Capital with the backings of the other Districts, that a new world will be born where they will become one people, once voice, and that all will share in the wealth and prosperity in this new Panem. And then....cut to black. Time to go home, tweet about how awesome this installment was, tell your BFF's to see this movie, and make sure you come back to spend more money on Part II now! The speech about unity and sharing among each other in a new, harmonious community comes off feeling hollow and empty; not because Moore doesn't sell this brave new world well, because she's one of the bright spots in Part I of this two-part finale. The reason this feels hol...

I've watched some strange, disturbing and messed up movies in my time. From the Saw series and Human Centipede: Full Sequence , to this year's God's Not Dead , I'd like to think that there isn't a whole lot that can honestly get under my skin and have me shaken. Leave it to director David Fincher and first-time screenwriter Gillian Flynn to have, what I feel, is the final word on watching a fucked-up movie. Gone Girl  is not just your standard kidnapping thriller/whodunit murder mystery. Calling it twisted and disturbing really doesn't do the film justice. All I can say is that what you see in two hours and twenty-five minutes will shock you and have your jaw hit the ground. Based on the bestselling novel by Flynn herself, Gone Girl begins innocently enough (well, about as innocent as a Fincher movie does): Nick Dune (Ben Affleck) comes home in preparation for his wife, Amy's (Rosamund Pike) five-year anniversary, only to discover his wife is missing. H...

Monday night I was at my local hangout (read: a bar), enjoying the last hours of summer, Sam Adams Oktoberfest in hand, when I begin seeing Joey, another Twitter friend and fellow movie geek (BTW: check out his blog, Movie MoJo , and you can see him talking television at Awards Daily TV!) ranting about the latest Lifetime TV movie about the behind-the-scenes drama surrounding the popular 90's teen sitcom, Saved by the Bell . Here's how bad it got for him watching it: The CGI in that Screech shirtless scene is so bad it makes that boat scene in #TheRinger look like Avatar. #UnauthorizedSavedByTheBellStory — Joey Moser (@JoeyMoser83) September 2, 2014 Needless to say, I was intrigued by how bad the TV movie had gotten for him, so when I got home, I decided to give it a look. The last time I checked out a Lifetime movie, it was the universally panned Lindsay Lohan movie, Liz & Dick , a movie that made my year-end worst list of 2012. As laughably bad as it was, ...

I love summer movies just as much as the next person. Hell, this season's crop of popcorn escapism are actually better and more satisfying than last year's disappointing slate of blockbusters. But there's only so many big-budget, effects-driven extravaganzas I can watch before I burn myself out. In that instance, a break from blockbuster fare is sorely needed, and i'm reviewing two movies that help cleanse the pallet, and one that...doesn't . Yep, you can even find bad movies at an art-house theater. But that's beside the point. These movies, regardless of your opinions coming out, are good to experience because these are filmmakers who aren't beholden to the studio's bottom line of making a profit. They're doing smaller work, but nonetheless engaging. Most of the time. Belle - Remember the name Gugu Mbatha-Raw. She's the best thing in an English drama that has so much right going for it. First, it's superbly directed by Amma Asante, wh...

Todd in the Shadows once said that he defined the worst hit song of the calendar year as a song being the absence of good. At the time, I didn't really understood what he meant when he chose "Tonight Tonight", by Hot Chelle Rae in 2011 and "Roar", by Katy Perry in 2013. Last night, I finally understood what he meant. Because, I, too, have seen a movie that's the absence of good. Todd meant that a song could make you angry, the beat could drive you insane, the lyrics could be insulting and simply lazy, but, in his eyes, those two aforementioned songs had nothing  going for them. Nothing lyrically, nothing catchy, nothing offensive, nothing that could make you feel insulted, angry or simply seeing red, because there's literally nothing  about it that can make you feel anything. That movie belongs to Bland, Weepy Teen Melodrama , the  latest attempt to suck money out of teen girls ....I mean, young adult novel by Second Rate Nicholas Sparks that became ...

Now that I have that piece of crap out of the way, It's time to make good on my promise and play catch-up on all the movies I meant to review, but didn't because of culinary class and laziness. About Last Night  - Again, I love seeing a predominately black cast, and I wish there were a bit more of that in theaters. Last year's The Butler  (which I loved)   and The Best Man Holiday  (which I didn't like) proved a cast of African-Americans can be a draw, as both films made over $100 million and $70 million in the states respectively. Unfortunately, unlike Best Man Holiday , where its saving grace was Terrence Howard's excellent comedic performance, there isn't much I can say positively for this battle of the sexes comedy. Danny (Michael Early) and Bernie (Kevin Hart) are two bachelors in present-day Los Angles. Danny's looking to rebound from a relationship which ended in disaster, whereas Bernie is a party-hard guy looking to score on a nightly basis. ...

I know I said that I would get to reviews on Divergent (and an editorial on the YA boom); The Grand Budapest Hotel , The Lego Movie , the Robocop remake, and Captain America: The Winter Soldier , among other movies I've seen thusfar, and I shall in the coming month. Tonight, though? I'm angry. Really angry. And yes, it's over a movie I just saw. I should make this clear, though: I'm agnostic. I don't care much for organized religion because I believe that if you do have faith, there's no need for a middle man. One's relationship with God, or Jesus, or whatever deity you profess to should be between you and him. When I was younger, I mostly saw the negative of what organized religion can do (i.e. the support and defense of an illegal and immoral war in the Middle East; denying gays and lesbians their rights because their sexual orientation is considered an affront to morality and religious teaching; etc) and it painted a negative light on organized reli...

A film about corruption and searing social commentary about what we'll do to chase the American dream? Made by the guy who made of the best anti-war pictures of the last several years ( Three Kings ) and one of the best sports dramas since Miracle  ( The Fighter )? And it combines Christian Bale & Amy Adams from The Fighter  and Bradley Cooper & Jennifer Lawrence from Silver Linings Playbook ? This has to be a sure-fire Oscar heavyweight! Man, director and co-writer David O'Russell is swinging for the fences here! He's going to make this next period piece his Goodfellas , and hell, if you're going to draw inspiration from any crime drama, that's the way to go! I'm going to see this tonight! 2+ hours later......... Well, two out of three ain't bad. American Hustle is a good movie. A damn good one. O'Russell nails the period of the 70's perfectly. The lavish clothes, the attitude that this gravy train of decadence will never...

Last year, The Hunger Games came very close to cracking my Top 10 Best Films list, but missed the cut despite a star-making (and in my opinion, Oscar-worthy) performance from it's leading star, Jennifer Lawrence, who would later on win the Best Actress trophy in David O' Russel's Silver Linings Playbook , a terrific supporting cast, and sharp social commentary on reality TV and the inequality between the wealthy and the poor. The reason behind this was director Gary Ross, and the misuse of shaky cam, especially in the first hour of the film. I get that Ross wanted to shoot the film in a gritty, verite-style, but that format just doesn't work for when you're introducing the characters and the world they're inhabiting, and it became a distraction as the film went on. This time, with its sequel, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire , I can easily say the following: this is not only the best Hollywood blockbuster flick I've seen all year, it's also one of the ...