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Showing posts from November, 2012

Twilight Part III: This Is as Good as it's Going To Get

I'll be honest: after watching the horrendous and pretentious second installment of  The Twilight Saga: New Moon in cinemas, I avoided it's third installment, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse like a man with leper. I honestly believed that the next installment of the series couldn't get any worse than it already did with the previous two. I thought I was tapped out; I didn't think I could watch one more movie in which Stephanie Meyer continues her march of destroying the vampire mythology with glittering bloodsuckers moping around, doing fuck all that makes a vampire a vampire. I didn't think I could endure one more minute of the love triangle that's been formed, with Edward Cullen (the ever bland and charmless Robert Pattinson) and Jacob Black (the horrendous Taylor Lautner) fighting over Bella Swan's (Kristen Stewart) affections. I didn't think I could stomach Bella and her bullshit for another two hours, or watching semi-interesting supporting characters b…

Twilight Part II: The Worst Vampire Movie Ever.

A few days ago in my review of Twilight, I forgot to mention the plot of the film, and this was done intentionally for two reasons: First - there's no real plot to the first movie because all it was dealing with was the courtship between Bella Swann (Kristen Stewart) and Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), and meeting the rest of the Cullen clan: Dr. Carlisle Cullen (Peter Facinelli), mind reader Alice (Ashley Greene), Southern charmer Jasper (Jackson Rathbone), Debbie Downer Rosaline (Thirteen star Nikki Reed), and other people who really aren't that important to the story. Second - it was the least important part of why the first movie was such an incredible bore of an opener to a film series. New Moon, by contrast, has more going on in the sequel this time, and I will be talking about it because it actually pays a big part into why the second installment is by far, one of the worst sequels that I have ever seen. There are some sequels that get better with each viewing, much l…

Twilight Part 1: Vampires Don't F#*ing Sparkle!

Here's the thing with the vampire genre: when done right, they're great horror tales who don't rely on cheap scares to leave a mark on the audience. The best example of this is Ann Rice's Interview with the Vampire, the popular Gothic horror tale chronicling the life of one Louis de Pointe du Lac, an ordinary man who is turned into a vampire by Lestat, the torrid love-hate relationship between the two men, and Claudia, the little girl which becomes Louis' only reason for staying with Lestat. That was a tale full of life in the shadows and the tragedy of living forever and the characters were engaging, tormented people who each learn that immortality is a fate far worse than death itself. For a few seasons, the HBO series True Blood brought simmering sexuality and gory violence to the cable screen, along with interesting characters and...vampire politics? And most recently, the genre gave us two terrific movies, 2008's Sweedish thriller Let The Right One In and …

Mr. Brown Vs. Sparkly Vampires

Denzel Washington's career-best performance as an alcoholic pilot who's life is in a nose dive in Flight. The sheer madness of Seven Psychopaths. The best coming-of-age movie since Garden State in The Perks of Being A Wallflower. A James Bond film that feels nostalgic, yet completely new in Skyfall. Paul Thomas Anderson's unique and beautifully shot character drama The Master. And the Wachowski's.....Cloud Atlas
What do all these movies have in common? They're all movies i've been promising to review, but put them off due to a severe case of procrastination. I will get to each one of these movies in due time, and as of this week, none of those movies matter. Not even Steven Spielberg's Lincoln, which has gotten serious Oscar buzz surrounding it, in particular, Daniel Day Lewis as the title character matters this week. For the next week, one film will hold American audiences in it's vice-grip. The finale to a worldwide phenomenon that has captured the …