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Showing posts from April, 2013


Earth 2077. The planet is a wreck and now uninhabitable. Humanity has moved to colonize on Titan, one of Saturn's moons. The only things that are on the dying world is a mop-up crew that is tasked with doing the machine-like duty of collecting vital resources like water and plant life for......Wait a second....i'm explaining the plot of WALL-E! Let's try this again.....

In the distant future, a two-person crew live together and take orders from a machine that may be hiding a more sinister motive as to why......Sorry, that's another plot point from Stanley Kubrick's 2001 - A Space Odyssey, my mistake.

Tom Cruise is Jack Harper, a man tasked with droid repairs for what feels to be a lifetime. Harper has this feeling that the life he knows may be a guise to blind him from what's really going on, as dreams (or memories?) of a world more before the destruction of the planet and the woman on top of the empire State Building in New York haunt him every night......And …

Mr. Brown Verses Irritating Teen Bullshit

LOL is shit. Just absolute, moronic, irritating shit.

I talked about this movie in January back when I was reviewing my 10 worst list, but I really haven't gone into full detail about why this piece of shit landed the no.3 spot on my list of the most infuriatingly bad movies of the past year. By the way, you are reading the title correctly, that's the name of the movie. I fear that LMFAO, OMG!, and WTF?! aren't that far behind, as it goes to naming movies. It isn't just the name that I think is a lazy name for a movie title, it's everything else about this shallow, vacuous, obnoxious and pretentious coming of age teen drama that managed to piss me off, but i'm getting a bit ahead of myself.

Before I talk about this movie, I have to mention that LOL (God, that's annoying to say) is actually a remake of the 2008 French comedy called....LOL (Laughing Out Loud). I don't know anything else about that movie, but on IMDB, the film holds a fairly decent user ra…

Trailer Review: Star Trek Into Darkness

Instead of going on about the first impressions from the 2 1/2 minutes I see from a trailer, i'm going to just say this about J.J. Abrams sequel to the hit reboot, Star Trek: May 17 cannot come fast enough. Watch and let your jaw drop.

Evil Dead

Allow me to be as frank as possible about the remake based on the 1981 cult classic, The Evil Dead:

I hated Evil Dead. Fucking hated it.

Hated every last thing about this "film": hated how it borrowed damn-near every horror cliche in the book, from the dire warnings to stop what the individual was doing, turn around and leave while their lives depended on it, to the manufactured jump scares that were as predictable as they were un-frightening.

Hated how just about every character in the story made one implausible and idiotic decision after another, and most decisions would get them killed.

Hated how the director Fede Alvarez and screenwriters Rodo Sayagues and Alvarez put an interesting spin on a cliche like the old, creepy cabin deep in the isolated woods - four friend reunite to help one of their own, a drug addicted youth (Jane Levy) go cold turkey.- and ended up with formulaic drivel that we've seen countless times from the horror genre.

Hated how the the film was ju…

Thank you, Roger Ebert.

As a kid growing up, there were a few things I spend my time doing on Saturdays: getting up early to watch Saturday morning cartoons, going to the movies with my parents, playing outside with my roller-skates, and watching the latest edition of Siskel & Ebert on television. In fact, that was probably one of the moments of the day I was looking forward to. Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert didn't just debate about the latest movies that had just been released; they didn't just argue back and forth about why this movie worked or why it was awful. These men didn't just love movies, theylived, breathed the power of cinema as an art form. And I don't think no one person exemplified this kind of mad-hot passion for, well....anything better than Ebert himself. Even after Gene's death in February of 1999, the man still carried on and talked about his love of the movies, with other critics and cinemaphiles, from Lisa Scwartzburn of Entertainment Weekly, to Harry Knowles of A…

Mr. Brown's Trailer Reviews: Percy Jackson - Sea of Monsters

Harry Potter might have ridden off into the sunset as the highest-grossing film series of all time, but a significant part of the film series' legacy has been studios snatching up popular YA (young adult) novels and trying to start a profitable movie franchise with it. For the most part, it's been a real challenge for studios to try and duplicate the success of the Potter movies, with film adaptations of A Series of Unfortunate Events,Eragon, and the Narnia films to some extent, failing to strike gold in Potter's, and Warner Bros., wake. In fact, the closest film series which copied WB's similar formula with Potter and see domestic and international success has been The Twilight Saga, and even there, the series has been mixed with fanboys and critics at best, and panned, lampooned and heavily criticized at worst, depending on the installment. 20th Century Fox took a shot at making their Harry Potter-like franchise tent pole with Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lig…