Skip to main content

The Netflix Files: Transformers 3

With Transformers: Age of Extinction hitting theaters tonight at 9 p.m. and because I haven't done this segment in ages I present to you the latest installment of The Netflix Files! Today, I'm looking back at the last chapter in Michael Bay's bloated Hasbro commercial, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, but in order to tell this story, I'll need to touch back on 2009's infamous Revenge of the Fallen.

See, despite the first Trasnformers sequel making over $400 million in the U.S., the film received a thrashing by the critics: a 19% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, a score of 35 on Metacritic, winning top honors at the Razzies, and a few publications naming the sequel as one of the worst ever made. Even star Shia LeBeouf and Bay himself admitted the second Trasnformers outing wasn't particularly good and promised that the next one would be better. 

Well, they did keep their promise. Dark of the Moon is better than the hideous Revenge of the Fallen. For starters, the opening sequence is pretty dazzling, as it highlights the war on Cybertron, home to the Autobots. The sequence then shifts to Bay playing around with the space race of the 60's between the U.S. and the Soviet Union, using a crashed alien vehicle as the basis for the two nations to reach the moon first. The sequence highlights the aspect lost in the second film and briefly gained in this one: a sly playfulness; a movie that's self-aware of how silly this whole thing is, and decides to have fun using it's premise to toy with important historical dates, like the launch of Sputnik by the Soviets, and the landing on the moon by American astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin. There's a funny sequence where Sam Witwicky (LeBeouf) is job-hunting and tries to flaunt his Presidential Medal of Freedom to several companies. And there's a huge climatic battle set in Chicago that's actually fun to watch (including the sequence where Lazerbeak, Soundwave's henchbot, wraps his snake-like body around the Sears Tower), and it damn-near levels the city. 

Having said that, Dark of the Moon isn't a good movie. It's still too damn long (this one runs a few ticks over 2 1/2 hours), the action scenes become dull and repetitive after a while, and the acting is as bland as ever, particularly from Rosie Huntington-Whitley as Sam's new love interest, who is introduced as a pointless waking ass-shot to let everyone in the audience know that she's hot. You're wondering, 'what the hell happened to Megan Fox's Mikela?' Well, she and Bay had a falling out, with Fox calling the director Adolf Hitler, and executive producer Steven Spielberg wanting her off the project. Whitley took her place as Carly, and after her watching her try to act, I wished Fox hadn't opened her stupid mouth. There's other characters, like Patrick Dempsey of TV's Grey's Anatomy fame as a slimeball millionaire working with the Decipitcons; John Malcovich, Ken Jeong as Bay's trademark "wacky" comic releif; Oscar-winning actress Frances McDormand as the director of National Intelligence, as well as returning cast members Tyreese Gibson and Josh Duhamel as Master Sergeant Epps and Lt. Colonel Lennox respectively; and John Tuturro as Simmons. You can already spot another problem with this movie: too many characters are in here and none of them are given much to work with beyond what they already did in the first two movies and/or don't interact much with the other characters.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon isn't awful like it's predecessor, but neither is it anywhere near as fun and exciting as the original film that came out in the summer of 2007. It's more of the same robot-on-robot CG carnage, but with 3D slapped on it, and no Skids and Mudflap, thank Christ, and frankly, it's become boring to watch. But since studios think with box office returns (this made over $1 billion worldwide), another sequel had to be green-lighted. With a new cast and the appearance of the Dinobots, here's hoping Bay reverts to the same self-awareness the last two films lacked.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowardice

I was looking forward to watching the James Franco/Seth Rogen comedy The Interview  on Christmas Day, even more so than Angelina Jolie's WWII drama Unbroken , or Rob Marshall's Into the Woods . I like what the writing and directing duo of Rogen and his pal Evan Goldberg have done with comedies like Superbad , Pineapple Express and their debut feature, This Is the End . In light of Sony being hacked (which now appears to be North Korea's doing) and threats of attacking theaters that carry the comedy, three things happened today: 1.) Every major theater chain - AMC, Regal, Cinemark, Arclight, etc, had decided to pull out from showing The Interview  on its scheduled release date. 2.)  This prompted Sony Pictures to basically cancel the release date of the film amid threats of blowing up theaters. 3.)  Both Sony and the theater chains basically caved into the demands of cyber terrorism from North Korea. Are you fucking kidding me? We just caved into terrorist d

On Dynasties, Ignorance, and Moving Foreward To the Future.

In the beginning, I wanted Mr. Brown Verses to be a blog about movies, and that's it. Given how there's much more going on, like film analysis and how it relates to issues both here in America and beyond our borders; the annual predictions on the Academy Awards race; the state of the film industry; issues of ethnicity and gender roles in the business; the continued rise of fandom with both sexes; etc - it would be foolish to not  talk about it and just sticking with reviewing movies. Most of this has been hesitance on my end because I personally feel that I'm not as well-versed in the film medium to really speak on trends and whatnot. There are other, more eloquent critics and readers of the Award-season tea leaves that express these concepts so damn well, it's almost amazing they haven't been picked up by publishers like Entertainment Weekly or Rolling Stone or The New York Times, but I guess the idea that they stand apart makes their work more fearless, more rich

Mr. Brown Verses Battleship (Or: Michael Bay's Poisonous Influence On Modern Day Action/Blockbuster Movies)

Eventually, I am going to get to reviewing a movie that I actually liked, because I don't just want to be be bitching about terrible movies from the past and from the present In fact, there are two really great movies i'll be reviewing within the next week ( The Perks of Being a Wallflower and The Master ) that I think rank among the year's best; add to that the release of Ben Affleck's international thriller Argo , and you'll be seeing a weekend's worth of praise of movies from me, including my picks for the best movies i've seen thusfar. Now, before I tear into the latest review on the sci-fi action picture, Battleship , I need to give this movie some background; not as much on the board game that inspired this bloated and boring piece of crap, mind you, but rather, the director who's trademarks are all over this mess of a film: Michael Bay. See, back in 1998, Bay released a little movie that joined together an unholy union of the Dirty Dozen, the