Skip to main content

Mr. Brown Verses The Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger, based off the TV series starring Clayton Moore as the titular Lone Ranger and Jay Silverheeds playing the masked bandit's sidekick, Tonto, looked like a sure thing from Disney for two reasons. First, the movie brought back the same writing/producing/directing team which gave us the financially successful Pirates franchise: scribes Terry Rossio and Ted Elliot; director Gore Verbinski, his first live-action film after winning the Oscar for Best Animated Feature for Rango back in 2011, and producer Jerry Bruckheimer. And second, the casting looked promising. Johnny Depp, Captain Jack Sparrow himself, re-teamed for the fifth time with Verbinski, putting his spin on Tonto. Armie Hammer, great as both Winklevoss twins in The Social Network and as Hoover's secret love interest in the biopic J. Edgar, was slated to play John Reid, the deputized Texas Ranger who survives an ambush by a ruthless outlaw gang, only to be return as a masked vigilante out for justice on his great white horse. Add in established actors like Helena Bonham Carter, Tom Wilkinson, William Fichtner and Barry Pepper rounding out the cast, and this looks like a home run for a company that was already flying sky high with the success of Iron Man 3 and in it's future endeavors with Episode VII, Thor: The Dark World, Captain America: The Winter Soldier and The Avengers: Age of Ultron, among other films due out within the next two years. How could this not end up as a big summer blockbuster?


Simple: The Lone Ranger just isn't fun to watch. It's a Pirates of the Caribbean-clone without any of the excitement, the thrills, the on-screen chemistry between the leads, or any sense of self-awareness about how silly the whole ordeal is! 2003's The Curse of the Black Pearl was a smashing success, largely because the filmmakers played it as a fast and loose action-adventure film and based on the strength of Depp's performance as a charismatic anti-hero who's looking out for the next payday and for his own skin. Here, he's playing Tonto, a Jack Sparrow-clone with a bird on his head for a hat. He finds John Reid (Armie Hammer) alive in the desert and left for dead after Butch Cavendish (Fichtner) and his gang ambush the lawmen out to bring him to justice, but not before Reid is subjected to watching helplessly as Butch eats out his brother's heart right in front of him. I'm dead serious, folks. Disney, the company known for it's family-friendly movies, depicts the villain in an act of cannibalism. Ok, over the past decade, the slate of live-action films under the House of Mouse have gotten heavier, more intense and more violent after Black Pearl, but those movies were still accessible and marketable to parents and their kids. The Lone Ranger stretches the PG-13 rating to its limits, almost to the point when one wonders why this didn't get an R-rating.

Tonto and Reid reluctantly team up to find Cavendish and bring him in, but Depp and Hammer never develop a rapport. There are jokes which Tonoto makes at Reid's expense, but there's no wit behind them. The sense of playfulness and giddy excitement which made the first Pirates movie a hit is nowhere to be seen here. There are explosions, trains crashing and colliding, and gunfights but the sense of excitement is absent. Hell, Hans Zimmer breaks out the William Tell Overture, the theme to the Lone Ranger series, but even that feels tacked on and forced. It's as if the filmmakers were trying to remind us that this is, in fact an adaptation of the beloved series and not some generic, bland, overstuffed, and overlong CGI wank-fest that would put Michael Bay to shame. Sorry, but we noticed, and we didn't bite.

* star out of ****

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowardice

I was looking forward to watching the James Franco/Seth Rogen comedy The Interview  on Christmas Day, even more so than Angelina Jolie's WWII drama Unbroken , or Rob Marshall's Into the Woods . I like what the writing and directing duo of Rogen and his pal Evan Goldberg have done with comedies like Superbad , Pineapple Express and their debut feature, This Is the End . In light of Sony being hacked (which now appears to be North Korea's doing) and threats of attacking theaters that carry the comedy, three things happened today: 1.) Every major theater chain - AMC, Regal, Cinemark, Arclight, etc, had decided to pull out from showing The Interview  on its scheduled release date. 2.)  This prompted Sony Pictures to basically cancel the release date of the film amid threats of blowing up theaters. 3.)  Both Sony and the theater chains basically caved into the demands of cyber terrorism from North Korea. Are you fucking kidding me? We just caved into terrorist d

I'm Dreaming of a White Oscars

What does Stephen Hawking, the godfather of computer science, a hotel manager breaking out from prison during the first World War, a young boy and his family growing up through 12 years and the battle of wills between a aspiring musician and his near-abusive professor have in common? On the surface, these are different films ranging in different subjects. But when you look at the people who stared, wrote and directed these various movies, A few patterns begin to emerge: 1. The cast is predominately white. 2. The story mostly centers on a male protagonist. 3. The filmmakers behind the project are white and male. And all of those films I've mentioned:  The Theory of Everything , The Imitation Game , The Grand Budapest Hotel , Boyhood  and Whiplash  - have all been nominated for Best Picture for this year's 87th annual Academy Awards. Before I go any further, I just want to say that this is not an attack on the films themselves. Most of the films mentioned I really enjoy

Mad Max and the Awards Season Or: Let It Go, Let It Go...

And so, the Oscar race has officially begun, with the Nation Board of Review's annual best of list, applauding and honoring the creme de la creme in film for 2015. I definitely didn't expect to see films like Sicario  and Straight Outta Compton  to be on their list of the 10 best movies of the year, so big brownie points to them for their inclusion. Drew Goddard winning Best Adapted Screenplay was a shock, and well-deserved for taking the source material and creating a funny, exciting script where Matt Damon "has to science the shit" out of being stuck on an unforgiving planet like Mars after being marooned by mistake by his fellow astronauts. I think The Martian  is easily Ridley Scott's best and most enjoyable film in years (yes, I'm taking into account that I liked Prometheus ) , and it's fun to see the director this playful, though I think Damon winning Best Actor and Scott taking Best Director is a bit of a stretch. But then came the pick for Bes